Escape to Paradise: Coyote Bluff Estate Awaits in Somers, MT!
Escape to Paradise: Coyote Bluff Estate Awaits – My Slightly Chaotic Montana Rhapsody! (Somers, MT Edition)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I just stumbled back from Escape to Paradise: Coyote Bluff Estate Awaits in Somers, Montana. And lemme tell you, it's less "perfect brochure" and more "slightly disheveled, utterly charming Montana magic." This is going to be a review, but honestly, it’s more like me babbling about my mini-vacay, so prepare for tangents.
(Disclaimer: I'm not a robot, I'm a person. So bear with my random thoughts and all the "umms" and "ahhs"!)
First Impressions (and Accidental Wildlife Encounters):
Alright, so arriving in Somers? Gorgeous. Think rolling hills, sparkling Flathead Lake, and that crisp mountain air that hits you like a shot of caffeine. Seriously, I wanted to run around hugging trees. (Okay, maybe I did… a little.) The whole Coyote Bluff Estate thing? Picture a sprawling, luxurious lodge with a rustic, "Montana-chic" vibe. It's not your sterile hotel, it’s a place where you could imagine a proper, rugged family settling down.
(Accessibility – The First Hurdle, Sort Of…):
Now, let's get real. I’m not physically challenged, but I did poke around on the accessibility front. The website says they’ve got facilities for disabled guests. Honestly, my initial scan gave me the impression that they might be a little…light on details. More info is needed here - maybe call ahead to confirm specific accommodations. That said, the layout feels pretty open, so that's a point in their favor. Elevators are there, so that's a good start! This isn't a comprehensive accessibility review, but it’s something to keep in mind. If you need super specific accessibility, call beforehand, okay?
(Cleanliness and Safety – My Obsession):
Okay, I’m a bit of a germaphobe, especially after "you-know-what." Fear not, my fellow cleanliness freaks! They seem to really take this seriously. They're using anti-viral cleaning products, rooms are sanitized between stays, and there seems to be daily disinfection in common areas. You can also opt out of room sanitization, which is cool. Hand sanitizer is everywhere, and the staff wear masks… which is a reassuring sign. They also had a Doctor/nurse on call. That's a good thing because if you get a splinter out hiking, you can go to the Doctor/nurse instead of the front desk.
The Rooms (My Personal Oasis):
My room? Swoon-worthy. Air conditioning, yay! Although Montana weather can be unpredictable, those hot afternoons can be real on the mountain. Air conditioning in Public area also yay! It had a balcony with a view of the lake (!!!). A bathtub (because bubbles!), a comfortable bed with extra-long bed option, fluffy bathrobes and slippers – the basics of a good life. Free Wi-Fi in all the rooms, internet access - wireless. Blackout curtains were my best friends because I can't sleep with any light. There was a mini-bar (expensive, naturally), a coffee machine. It was spacious, well-appointed, and felt like a true escape.
But… (Here Comes the Chaos)
Oh, and remember that "rustic charm" I mentioned? Well, that extends to occasional… imperfections. Once, during the first night, the water pressure was questionable. The hot water wasn’t really hot. But, hey, it was fixed within the hour. This kind of stuff is more memorable than a perfectly functioning shower, right?
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking
Okay, let's talk food. The restaurants offer a la carte options AND buffet. I, personally, am a buffet junkie! Breakfast service includes Asian breakfast, international cuisine, and western breakfast. I indulged. Hard. Coffee shop, snack bar, and pool side bar are there for your refreshment needs.
The restaurants offer a variety of cuisines, including Asian, Western and International fare. There is also a vegetarian restaurant.
The restaurant was really good, the coffee was hot and delicious, and the service… well, it was Montana-style: friendly, relaxed, and sometimes a little slow. But who cares? You're on vacation!
(Things to Do – Adventures and Downtime):
So, what to do at Coyote Bluff? A LOT. This place is designed for relaxation and rejuvenation.
- Ways to Relax: Pool with view, sauna, spa, spa/sauna, steamroom
- Body Scrub: Fitness center, foot bath, gym/fitness, massage. I swear I nearly fell asleep in the massage.
- Things to do: Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor], terrace,
The pool with view, was a standout experience.
Amenities and Services:
I appreciated the daily housekeeping and concierge services.
They had meeting/banquet facilities for special events
They also offered babysitting service
I also noticed there was some Meeting Stationery.
Getting Around:
If you’re flying in, they offer an airport transfer. They had car park [free of charge], car park [on-site], and valet parking.
Let's Talk About That Pool:
Okay, so, the pool. I should make you a summary but I will write about it even more. I could have stayed there forever. A pool with a view is the best! I found myself drifting into a happy-place nap. I was there when a bald eagle soared overhead. You go from the hotel, where all is well and safe and convenient, to the pool. The temperature of the water was chef's kiss perfect. The view was chef's kiss perfect. The pool bar? Also chef's kiss. It was a perfect moment. I was alone with my book (snoozing), and the world melted away. It was the antithesis of modern life. It was peace. And all I could think was, "This is why I came here. This is why I leave everything behind." And yes, maybe one or two other people were in the pool.
(The Quirks, the Imperfections, and Why It Matters – AKA The Stuff You Won't Read in the Brochure)
Okay, so here's the truth. Coyote Bluff isn't perfect. There are a few rough edges. Like, the signage could be better. There’s construction in some common area because it needs to be improved. I'd be remiss not to mention that. HOWEVER, it's those quirky imperfections that make this place real. It's not some sterile, cookie-cutter resort. It has soul.
The Soul of a Place:
The real heart of Coyote Bluff? The people. The staff were genuinely welcoming and helpful. This is a place that cares.
The BIG Question: Would I Go Back?
Absolutely. In a hot second.
My Not-So-Subtle Sales Pitch (aka My Offer to YOU!):
Ready for a breath of fresh mountain air, a dose of luxury with a side of imperfect charm? Escape to Paradise: Coyote Bluff Estate Awaits in Somers, MT, is your ticket. It’s a blend of relaxation, adventure, and genuine Montana hospitality.
Book your stay at Coyote Bluff Estate and experience the magic for yourself! The prices are surprisingly reasonable for what you get. It's a great balance of luxury and authenticity – a place to recharge, reconnect, and remember what truly matters.
Because let's be honest, we all need to escape, even if it's just for a little while. Now, go get lost in Montana!
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Okay, here we go! A travel itinerary for a supposed trip to Coyote Bluff Estate in Somers, Montana… strap yourselves in, it's gonna be a wild ride, you know? This isn't your polished travel brochure - this is the messy, glorious truth of what could happen.
Coyote Bluff Estate: Surviving Paradise (Probably)
Day 1: Arrival & Existential Dread (and Really, REALLY Good Pizza)
- 7:00 AM (ish): Wake up. Or, more accurately, try to wake up. My alarm is probably a tiny, annoying bird chirping on my phone, right? Seriously, who puts that as a default setting? Struggle out of bed, fueled by the desperate need for coffee. Already feeling the pre-trip jitters – am I forgetting something? Did I pack enough snacks? (Spoiler alert: you can NEVER pack enough snacks.)
- 8:00 AM: Commence chaos. Last-minute packing. Throwing clothes into a suitcase like it's a competitive sport. Realize half my wardrobe is still in the laundry. Decide to embrace the "eclectic" look. That's code for "wearing whatever's clean (ish)."
- 9:00 AM: The airport. Ugh. Security. The metal detectors always seem to love me, even when I’m not wearing anything metal. (Okay, that's not true). I'm sure I'll get "randomly" selected for extra scrutiny. Smile. Breathe. Try not to make eye contact with the TSA agents.
- 10:00 AM: Flight. Windows seat, please, no… the middle seat. Curse the travel gods. Attempt to read. Fail. Mostly stare out the window at the clouds and wonder if they're judging me. Wonder if I can nap. Probably not.
- 1:00 PM (MT Time, I'm guessing?): FINALLY land in Kalispell. Breathe in the fresh mountain air. (Or, you know, whatever passes for "fresh" after an airplane.) Locate rental car. Pray to the driving gods that I don't accidentally drive it into a ditch.
- 2:00 PM: Drive to Coyote Bluff Estate. This is actually where the fun begins. Seriously, Google Maps is a fickle mistress, and I got lost just trying to find the airport.
- 3:00 PM (ish): Arrive at Coyote Bluff. HOPEFULLY, the place looks as magical in person as it does online. Probably take about 100 pictures, and then stare at my phone like a moron.
- 4:00 PM: Unpack. Or, rather, throw everything onto the bed and mentally berate myself for packing so much.
- 5:00 PM: Dinner at a local pizzeria in Somers. Word on the street is the pizza is legendary. (My stomach is rumbling already. And honestly, after the flight, I DESERVE legendary.) If it's not, I'll riot. (Okay, maybe just pout dramatically.)
- 7:00 PM: Actual existential dread sets in when staring at the Montana night sky. It is vast, black, and full of stars. I can't help but feel small. But also, like, pretty darn lucky. Seriously, how did I get so lucky? Wondering about life, the universe, and whether I should have ordered extra pepperoni.
- 9:00 PM: Sleep. Or try to. Jet lag is a beast.
Day 2: Adventure (and Questionable Wardrobe Choices)
- 8:00 AM: Wake up to the most glorious view EVER. Or maybe just the sunrise. Actually pay attention to the view. (I'm not always good at that.)
- 9:00 AM: Breakfast at the Estate. Hoping there's eggs. (My blood sugar will become a raging inferno if there aren't eggs.)
- 10:00 AM: Hike. Attempt to hike. I'm not exactly a mountain goat. Probably trip at least once. Scenery is spectacular, though, so I'll take it. Bring a camera. And snacks. Seriously, the snacks are crucial.
- 12:00 PM: A picnic lunch, presumably with sandwiches and the amazing view I just hiked up to.
- 1:00 PM: Explore the Estate. Pretend to be a fancy person. Maybe take some photos. (Instagram, here I come!) Try to be the protagonist of my own movie, maybe, just maybe, get a bit of inspiration.
- 3:00 PM: Kayak on Flathead Lake. Or, more accurately, attempt to kayak on Flathead Lake. Probably fall in. Regret not wearing waterproof mascara.
- 5:00 PM: Drinks and snacks. Maybe there's a bar on site. Or maybe I'll just raid the mini-fridge. (Don't judge).
- 7:00 PM: Dinner at the Coyote Bluff Estate. Fine dining, I presume. I'll try my best to not spill anything on myself. (No promises.)
- 9:00 PM: Stargazing. Because, Montana. And this time, really appreciate the vastness of the cosmos. Contemplate life choices. Make vague plans for the future. Feel overwhelming peace.
Day 3: Reflection & Departure (and a Strong Desire for More Pizza)
- 8:00 AM: Wake up. Another amazing view, I'm betting. Even if I'm still slightly hungover from the night before.
- 9:00 AM: Repeat breakfast from day 2. Hopefully, eggs.
- 10:00 AM: Explore Somers. Find a cute little shop. Or maybe just stare at the lake. Think about what's important.
- 12:00 PM: One last lunch. Maybe get that pizza. I deserve it. It’s been earned at this point.
- 1:00 PM (ish): Pack. Sigh. Remember the "eclectic" wardrobe. Mentally calculate what I can cram into my suitcase.
- 2:00 PM: Depart from Coyote Bluff Estate. Feel a pang of sadness. Seriously, I'm going to miss this place!
- 3:00 PM: Drive back to Kalispell. Get slightly lost. Swear under my breath. (Okay, a lot of swearing).
- 4:00 PM: Return the rental car. Cross my fingers that I haven't caused too much damage. (There WILL be some… at least some scratches on the tires.)
- 5:00 PM: Airport. Security. Flight. Hope it goes smoothly.
- 8:00 PM (or later, depending on connecting flights): Back home. Unpack. Throw all the dirty clothes into the laundry. Begin daydreaming about the next trip. And maybe make a mental note to learn how to pack properly next time.
The Heart of it: Doubling Down on the Hiking (and the Humility)
Okay, so the hike. That’s where things get… interesting. Because, really, I’m not a hiker. Not a real hiker. I’m more of a “walk around the block to get coffee and then immediately regret it because I’m winded” kinda person.
But! The brochure, or whatever, promised amazing views. Sweeping vistas. Fresh air. And the promise of feeling… something. Something beyond the crushing weight of adulting. So, I convinced myself. I bought a ridiculously oversized water bottle, some “performance” hiking socks (that immediately gave me blisters), and, most importantly, a "look at me" hiking stick that I probably didn't need.
The trail itself was… well, it started off innocent enough. A gentle incline, a babbling brook (yes, I said babbling, it was lovely!), and chirping birds. I was feeling pretty good. I was even thinking, "Hey, this isn't so bad! Maybe I am a hiker!"
Then, the incline got steeper. The birds, in their incessant chirping, seemed to be mocking me. The water bottle started to feel like a lead weight. And that 'look at me' hiking stick became my only friend.
Halfway up, I considered turning back. Several times. I was wheezing. I was sweating. I was questioning all my life choices. But then, I looked up. And there it was. THIS view.
Just… breathtaking. The lake stretched out below, a shimmering expanse of blue. The mountains rose up on all sides, majestic and silent. I swear, for a moment, the world stopped. Okay, maybe it didn’t actually stop, but my internal screaming did, and for a little while, I just felt present. And that’s the main thing, isn't it?
And yeah, maybe my knees were screaming. And maybe my lungs were protesting. And maybe I looked like a deranged, sweaty, slightly-out-of-shape person clinging to a stupid stick.
But. God. It was worth it. That view. That moment. That… feeling. That’s what I’m here for.
And, you know what? The blisters
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Escape to Paradise: Coyote Bluff Estate FAQs (and My Two Cents... Messy Edition!)
Okay, so... what *is* this Coyote Bluff Estate thing anyway? Sounds fancy. Is it *actually* paradise?
Alright, fine. Let's get down to brass tacks. Coyote Bluff Estate? Well, it's this sprawling... *thing*... in Somers, Montana. Think big house (like, REALLY big), stunning views of Flathead Lake (seriously, jaw-dropping), and a whole lotta trees. Paradise? Hmm. Let's not get carried away. It *can* feel like it, especially at sunset with a cocktail in hand. But, remember... I had a disastrous run-in with a rogue sprinkler which I'll get to later. This place is supposed to be luxe, and it *mostly* delivers. But paradise is what *you* make it, right? And sometimes, it involves frantically running from lawn sprinklers because you're too busy ogling the view. (More on that later. Trust me.)
How many people can this place hold? Party time, or what?!
The website will tell you a number, probably some respectable, boring statistic like 'accommodates 16 guests comfortably'. BAH! Forget that crap. It CAN handle a decent-sized crew. I went with a group of friends (some of which, I'm now realizing, I might not invite back - *cough* Kevin *cough*). But seriously, think comfortably large, though I'm not sure I'd personally attempt a full-blown rager. Unless, you know, you're cool with the owners silently judging you from afar. (They seem like the type.) Consider it a classy-ish party. You know, the kind where people actually talk to each other instead of just swiping right for a new friend. Though, in fairness... I *did* connect with a hot bartender. Just sayin'.
What *is* there to *do* there besides... you know... admiring the scenery?
Okay, so, this is where it gets interesting. There are kayaks! Which, in theory, sounds AMAZING. Reality? I almost capsized. Twice. My friend Sarah, on the other hand, looked like a freaking waterskiing goddess. And then there are hiking trails, and of course, you can take a boat on the lake, go fishing (if that's your thing - fishing feels... lonely). Mostly, though, it's about relaxing. Reading a book. Drinking wine. Complaining about Kevin. But really, the biggest activity is, I suspect, *not* doing anything. That, and avoiding the aforementioned rogue sprinklers. Seriously. They are vicious. Did I mention them? I'll tell that story again. It's important.
Is the kitchen well-equipped? Because I'm not about to subsist on ramen noodles on a *luxury* vacation.
The kitchen? Oh, the kitchen. The website probably says 'gourmet kitchen'. It IS pretty darn good. Stainless steel, fancy appliances, the works. We cooked a big feast. (Except Kevin, who burned the garlic bread. Kevin, I tell you!). The real challenge is figuring out *what* to cook. And, you're going to want to load up on food before you get there because there's no quick run to the store. It's somewhat remote, which adds to the whole "escape" thing. Which, again, is a double-edged sword. It's great, until you realize you're out of coffee and Kevin ate the last package of bacon... (I am NOT kidding about this guy).
What about Wi-Fi? I need to stay connected (partially for work, mostly for Insta). Also, how fast is it?
Wi-Fi... Ah, the cruel mistress of modern travel. Yes, there *is* Wi-Fi. Thank goodness. Because, let's be real: how many photos of that lake do you *think* I took? But it's not the *fastest*. Think "decently usable" rather than blazing-fast. It's not like you're going to be live-streaming the sunrise with zero lag. Honestly, though? Embrace the disconnect. It's part of the charm. Unless, of course, your boss starts blowing up your phone. Then, well, good luck. And don't tell them I said you were at the estate, because I'm not sure they'd approve of my... lifestyle choices. (And by "lifestyle choices" I mean "drinking wine on a Tuesday".)
Are there any downsides? (Besides Kevin.) Spill the tea, or whatever the kids are saying these days.
Okay, real talk. There are a few things. First, it's not *cheap*. It's a treat, not a regular thing. Secondly, you are somewhat isolated, which is great until you realize you forgot something important. Third, Kevin. Just kidding (sort of). The most significant downside? The aforementioned rogue sprinklers. Seriously. One minute, you're strolling along, admiring the landscaping, feeling all zen. Next thing you know, you're soaked to the bone, because a sprinkler decided to unleash its fury on your poor, unsuspecting self. It's like something out of a slapstick comedy, except it's not funny when it's happening to *you*. And you can't fight back because they are strategically hidden, and there's security.
Okay, spill the sprinkler story. I'm intrigued.
Alright, buckle up. It was day two. I was feeling good, the sun was shining, and I was wearing my favorite sundress. I was feeling especially confident after gracefully (ahem, *mostly*) maneuvering the kayak. I was thinking "I should take a casual stroll, perhaps to appreciate the view of the lake". I meandered along a grassy patch, contemplating the beauty of the world... and WHAM! Suddenly, I was drenched. Soaked. Like I'd fallen into the lake. (The irony wasn't lost on me.) A sprinkler, hidden amongst some strategically placed shrubs, had decided to attack. I yelped, I flailed, I did a little dance of sheer mortification. Everyone saw. Including the quiet, elderly couple who seemed to be monitoring the grounds - and who clearly enjoyed it. It was both traumatic and hilarious. In retrospect, of course. At the time, I wanted to murder a sprinkler. I'm still traumatized. Seriously. That damn sprinkler.
Would you recommend it? Kevin aside (and the sprinklers).
Yes. Despite the Kevin situation. And *especially* despite the sprinklers. (Seriously, watch out for them). It's a beautiful place. It's relaxing. It's a chance to escape. Just... be prepared. Bring bug spray. Bring sunscreen. Bring a sense of humor. And maybe... just maybe... bring a water pistol, just in case you encounter a rogue sprinkler. (I'm not sure if that's legal, but it's tempting). Go. Enjoy. AndHotel Bliss Search
